Have you ever had someone close to you tell you that you’re frustrating to deal with?
Have you been told you need to work on your communication skills?
Do the people closest to you avoid disagreeing with you to avoid a possibly explosive reaction?
If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, you’ll want to keep reading. The most recent HELP ME, SILLY GOOSE submission is allllll about communication! Read on to find out more about how to improve your communication, especially with those closest to you.
Dear Silly Goose,
I’ve been having a hard time with something lately, and I could use some non-judgemental advice.
My spouse, family, friends, and coworkers throughout my life have told me I can be difficult to disagree with, and I have to say, I don’t disagree with them. When I’m passionate about my point of view, all communication skills go out the window. I start dominating the conversation…and then feel insanely guilty the minute the conversation is over.
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD in the past, but my parents never wanted me to take medicine because of the possibility for addiction. I don’t know what to do now, because I’m starting to see so many of my ADHD symptoms breaking down my ability to put into action all of the wonderful communication skills I’ve been taught…over and over and over again. It’s like every piece of my brain gets wrapped up in what I’m passionate about, and I end up feeling terrible after these types of conversations.
What can I do besides just talking to my doctor about taking medication?
HELP ME, SILLY GOOSE!
Signed,
Stressed by Communication
Dear Stressed,
You certainly came to the right place for your communication issues. I, myself, have ADHD and have gone long periods of time without medication for one reason or another. I have several people close to me that also have ADHD. The stereotype is that ADHD is all silliness, hyperactivity, and an inability to sit still for longer than 30 seconds. These may all be symptoms, but they are far from the only ones. Silliness, hyperactivity, and the inability to sit still come with far more impactful symptoms as well, such as difficulty with communication.
When dealing with communication issues, it’s really important to be honest with yourself and those around you. While you’re working on something such as interruption, make those closest to you aware that this is the communication skill you’re working on at the moment. This gives you something that helps immensely with personal growth: the opportunity to be held accountable in a constructive and positive manner.
Those closest to you know you best, at least most of the time. Be open and honest with them about how they can help hold you accountable in ways that will encourage you to change the behavior. For example, I have had several encounters in my lifetime in which I interrupted someone and they went off on me. This didn’t help me stop interrupting, but it made me feel even more guilty after every conversation I had in which I remembered interrupting someone. A communication skill that I’ve learned over the years, through lots of therapy and trial and error, is to tell someone how to hold me accountable.
How does this work? Well, let’s use your situation in this next example. If you know that a subject that has just entered the conversation is a subject you because passionate about frequently, tell the person(s) you’re talking to that you want to be held accountable for this action. This could be in the form of a visual cue, especially if you’re in public or in front of a new person, or a verbal cue. One example of a verbal clue can be seen in the movie Meet the Fockers when Jack’s wife says, “Muskrat,” when her husband is getting out of a hand with something.
Perhaps you need something more blunt when it comes to being held accountable. Communication style is a difficult thing to change, especially as an adult. You might need your inner circle to call you out directly. For example, while communicating your viewpoint about a controversial topic you feel strongly about, you may get passionate and loud. You can ask your inner circle to explicitly say, “Hey, you’re supposed to be working on this behavior.” This reminder is enough for some people to get back into the mindset of improving their communication style.
Basically, to sum it all up for you all, be open and honest while you’re trying to improve, especially when it comes to communication. It’s too easy to fall back into old communication habits when you don’t have someone holding you accountable until you start being able to hold yourself accountable. Self-discipline, for someone with ADHD, is hard. Our brains are moving a thousand miles a minute. There’s always some song on in the background that you can’t remember all the words to…or a song you wish you couldn’t remember the words to (Baby Shark, I’m looking at you on this one).
Love,
Silly Goose
As always,
STAY SILLY
****Do you have communication problems? Do you have ADHD and want more relatable advice? Like and Follow for more content about self-improvement and ADHD.****
Like what you just read? Vote below!
My Silly Goose 